spread love

Spread love everywhere you go.  Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.  Mother Teresa.

I believe I am still in denial that I am leaving.  I have been trying to spend time with a lot of the people that i care about the most here and it is just hard trying to manage time and friends, not that there are many.  but the hardest part is hanging out with them as if it were any other day and then thinking to myself, what if this is the last day, is this what i really want to be doing with them then? i AM in denial because i dont want to talk to my friends about me leaving and to say good-bye to them.  so i just wont. 

i am here for nine more days, well i guess its eight now, and i cant seem to get a grip on the fact that i really should start PACKING! i spend more time thinking about the places i want to go to in charlotte before i leave than thinking about a packing plan/idea.  speaking of, i went to nikkos last night and it was amazing, please try the sexy salmon -- AWESOME.  peace 

me versus last days

so its my last twelve days here in this country!  i still haven't gotten rid of all of my furniture and still have all these clothes and shoes and bags that i probably wont want later.  does anybody want any old juicy and burberry clothes?  seriously!  i just dont understand how im supposed to pack up my life into two bags.  and apparently each have to be at the most fifty pounds?  really?  im pretty sure half of my spring clothes (the stuff i want) and one pair of sandals are 50 pounds!  the "packing life up" gods are definitely against me.  and they like it.  
and as if this pressure isnt already enough .. what am i supposed to do with the STUFF that i will actually want later?  does this company realize that the south isnt my home?  home is either in the west in california or, now, up north in new york!  i can't just take my memories down the road to my grandparents house anymore, no, i dont have that great luxury.  ive already spent thousands of dollars (parents money of course) on purchasing "new clothes and shoes for korea" and a new suit case (actually, to be purchased) and on stocking up on toiletries that i will need and wont be able to buy outside of the u.s.  i feel like im the only person in the world who cares about any of this, and my mother i suppose, but now that i really think about it -- I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS WORLD WHO CARES.  
i should probably get to packing and all that right now .. but i probably wont again.  i wish everybody out there good luck, good luck to anybody and everybody who is packing up their lives right now, its hard stressful and emotional -- its your life.        

procrastination

there's that statistic where 99.9% of all people get through things the normal way as opposed to the .1% of the people who face every obstacle on the way to the destination of achievement and now i am beginning to feel like i am surprisingly that .1% of all people who cannot go through obstacles normally.  you know this feeling?  the feeling where everything im going through is the absolute opposite from what everybody else is right now.  its been over a month now since i got the call about being accepted into this company and i have yet to get rid of many unimportant things in my apartment.  im leaving in a few weeks and i act like i have that 'over a month' belief in my head where i can just hang out .. I MUST STOP.
honestly i have yet to even attempt at putting a thought to what exactly i am going to pack.  i keep thinking that ill hang out for a little in cali when in reality im only there for a couple of days before i depart for my final destination.  this is really scary.  today my aunt told me i should prepare for my training that i will have in korea and i thought: train myself for training week?  what in the world is that??  ive always had an anxiety problem (self diagnosed) and my stress level right now is just out there, and the effects of it are about to get me in my sleep tonight or lack thereof.  i need to breathe.
im hoping that through all of this, the whole chill anxiety be cool part of this process, will all pass over and ill be on that flight out of charlotte in no time so prepared for my new life outside of this country and not looking back thinking about what i should have or could have done while still here.  im laughing as i think about what i should or could be doing right now.  all in all, this waiting and procrastinating and anxiety build-up is good, its giving me the chance to live my life normally as if i were never leaving this country and as if i were to see all of you again in a few weeks on a regular basis  =)  ahh procrastination!!

before the beginning

welcome 

i was speaking with my friend the other day and we were talking about how i was going to keep in touch with everybody without being able to message people all the time via text, and then this friend of mine had the brightest idea of creating a blog.  and alas, here it is.  i received a job in korea and i will be moving there in the beginning of may.  i have always thought about leaving the country to do something with my life, and last year i was finally given the opportunity to think outside of the cube and actually give it a try by applying.  I started the process around october and really got into it in december then got the big news in february, and now here i am with less than three and a half weeks left in the country to see what im going to miss and what i wont be missing at all (or so i think).  thus i call the next few weeks "after the end, before the beginning".  thanks for making me happy u.s.a. (now until im gone), in advance.